


Naruto Gets in a Car Accident

by BadBoiReeRee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Car Accidents, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, M/M, Nihilism, Propositions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBoiReeRee/pseuds/BadBoiReeRee
Summary: Even ninja shouldn't drive while sleepy at the wheel.
Relationships: Maito Gai | Might Guy/Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Naruto Gets in a Car Accident

It was late at night in the Shinobi Village and all of the little ninja children were fast asleep. But not Uzumaki Naruto. No he wasn’t a little ninja child; nor was he fast asleep. He was a BIG MAN, an EXTREMELY BIG MAN. Well-endowed and hot as a fresh cup of scalding ramen. The same ramen that had spilled on his lap while he drove home in his new Mercedes, down one of the newly constructed ninja highways. He sped past bright lights, blasting Tokyo Anal Dynamite’s _Gerogerigegege_. The car was a gift from Sasuke-kun, who gave it to Naruto for his 36th birthday. All of his friend’s came: his beautiful wife Hinata, their two children – Boruto and Boruta – Sakura and Sasuke and their children – Boruto, Boruto, and (insert name here) – Kakashi sensei, Tsunade-sensei, Idris Elba, Iruka sensei, and a dildo in the shape of Jiraiya-sensei’s cojones. Sasuke had brought the car to back of the house, and he showed it to Naruto in private while the others were gorging themselves with ninja sweets.

“Pretty sweet huh?” Sasuke smiled as he watched the Yellow Flash finger the grill.

“Believe it!” exclaimed Naruto.

“I’m so glad you like it,” said Sasuke as he walked close to Naruto.

“You – mean a lot to me,” said Sasuke as he started to undo Naruto’s pants. The Hokage blushed as the man who tried to murder him (in the past) performed cunnilingus on his yam bag.

 **“SassssukkkkkkeeeeeeeeEEEEE!!!!!”** cried Naruto as he came.

 **“Naaaarrrrutttttooooo!!!!!!”** squeeled Sasuke, inundating Naruto with his Uchiha juices.

Naruto thought fondly on that day as he drove recklessly down the newly-installed ninja highway. The roads were a part of something called the Big Road Initiative, a project meant to unify the village through a common road system, stimulate its economy, make more ninja propaganda, promote jingoism, and provide alternative modes of transport to incapacitated ninja who can’t ninja run. Part of the initiative involved manufacturing and selling motor vehicles to ninja everywhere and it was a way for Naruto to also enslave those who opposed him. He got the idea to build cars after watching Guy sensei tire himself out while trying to keep up with a speed-walking Kakashi sensei. Naruto was spying on the two – as he usually does – when had the epiphany. He came up to Guy Sensei,

“Guy sensei!” Naruto yelled enthusiastically, as he frolicked towards Guy sensei.

Guy was surprised to see his Shinobi overlord approach,

“Oh, fu- I-I mean, g-greetings master!” Guy sensei yelped as he struggled to turn his wheelchair to face Kurama’s host, who stood inches away from Guy sensei. Guy sensei’s nose tapped Naruto’s crotch. A single sweat mark dripped down Guy sensei’s face. _Wow_ , he thought, _he’s so **BIG**_ **.**

“So, guy sensei, I happened to see that you had trouble keeping up with Kakashi sensei there,” Naruto cheerfully exclaimed, raising his eyebrows in rapid succession, one after the other.

“Wh-wha, n-no!” guy sensei exclaimed in shock.

“Haha, that’s okay Guy sensei,” Naruto chortled, his undulated abs pulsing rhythmically in the wind. He winked, then gently stroking Guy sensei’s cheek with his giggleberries. “You can tell me anything and… are you crying?”

“N-no! No! It’s just…. eye… sweat.”

Naruto laughed,

“Haha, well, that’s good then! I was worried I might have hurt your feelings! Good thing that you have lost those in your legs, amIright?” Chuckled Naruto as he slapped Guy sensei’s numb thighs.

Guy sensei looked up at the village leader’s face, fresh eye sweat streaming down his face.

“Well, _people like you_ , might benefit from assisted transport,” winked Naruto.

 _People like me_ , thought Guy sensei sadly.

“You see,” Naruto sat on Guy sensei’s unfeeling lap, “We have all of this wealth pouring into our ninja economy now after I **OBLITERATED THE GODDESS OF THE UNIVERSE,** and I can see so many uses for it! School sucks and education is meaningless, so why put anything into that right? We don’t need to invest in medicine, because I can produce shadow clones and use my powers to **REGENERATE LIMBS** and **CURE DISEASE.** And our ninja police system is corrupt but functioning, so why spend the money there to reinvest in something more ethical? So, how about investing in transport! It could help us increase our importing and exporting, transport goods and weapons, and of course, assist you people.”

Guy sensei stared in shock at the village leader, his hairline steadily receding with each flare of Naruto’s nostrils. He realized then and there that he couldn’t escape his corporeal existence, nor his enslavement to Naruto: this mass of ramen noodles made the rules. He was powerless. All he could do was smile. So Guy sensei smiled, the smile of a man who had lost everything.

“Haha, I love that smile, Guy sensei! Just you wait, you’ll warm up to it! And then you’ll have A LEG UP on the competition HAHAHAHA!”

Guy sensei watched as Kurama’s host skip away merrily. While Naruto-kun had seen opportunity in Guy sensei’s legs, Guy-sensei saw only the gallows.

…

Naruto made another sharp right turn in his car as he got off the highway and sped into his suburb.

**BANG!!!**

**SCREEEEECH!!!!**

“Oh shit!” Naruto exclaimed as his car skidded to halt. “God damn i- wait,…. I mean, _Naruto_ damn it!” yelled Naruto as he got out of his car and kicked the damaged hood. He looked around but couldn’t see much because it was so dark outside. “Did I hit something? I don’t see nothing! Hmm, next time, I’ll install something to produce light in this piece of junk,” grumbled the Boy Who Lived, I-I mean, The fox-child.

**_Scratch, scratch_ **

Naruto looked down to see Shikamaru’s hand scratching his ninja sandals.

“Shikamaru!? What are you doing here?”

What was left of Shikamaru looked up at Naruto, straining to speak, but could only expel air.

“You look a little down. And that’s a lot of eye sweat. Hey you know what? I’ve got an exciting idea for you.” Grinned Naruto as he pulled up Shikamaru’s upper torso, the bottom half lying somewhere else by the road.

“So remember how I saved the world, brought people back to life, and **OBLITERATED THE CREATOR OF OUR UNIVERSE**? Well, we have so much money now and I am thinking that we could use it to help people in need. People, **LIKE YOU**. People, who could use a little pick me up! I have this great friend who makes pills that could get rid of all your problems -


End file.
